You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
