Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
