Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How's work?
Spinning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
