you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
