OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
