So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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