you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
