i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
