apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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