My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
