I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize