she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
