I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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