Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize