new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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