When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
