Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
