so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
