My room smells like vodka and shame
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
