He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize