could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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