I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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