His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
