I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
