Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
