Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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