FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
