You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
