Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
