Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
