How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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