If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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