You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
