We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize