I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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