I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
