the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
