who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
