Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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