a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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