I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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