Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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