Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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