people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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