Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
