she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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