im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
