fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
