So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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