there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
