"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
