Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
