Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
