Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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