The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
