im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
