is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
