Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
