well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
