Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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