We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
