Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
