her vagine was all disorganized.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
