New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
