I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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