I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
