haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
