Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
