Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
