He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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