GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
