I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
